As She Sees It
by autarkeia
Summary: [One-shot] At least if he had chosen someone who resembled her, she'd know he still had feelings for what they used to share. But nooo...instead he had chosen someone completely different and perfect for him in ways that she wasn't.


Author's Note (Part I): I LIIIIIVE!! ^_^ Welcome to Autarkeia's slightly surrealistic and benignly bizarre story. For those newcomers, this note probably doesn't apply but for those who have been kind enough to read and actually review my other fan fiction, please accept this work as a small token of my extreme gratitude. I'm so sorry for the lack of updates but I'm at a total loss for plot ideas so it might take a wee bit longer for those stories to develop. Plus, it's been a complete hassle transferring files from my old PC to my new Mac. Yeah, go Mac! Heehee. As has been proclaimed by all other GW fan fiction writers, I do not own this anime. Now that that's been settled, here's my story!  
  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
A tall, sober-faced man, with hair the color of walnuts, came up behind the unsuspecting woman to touch a gentle hand to the silken strands of gold that shimmered faintly in the morning sunlight. With his other hand, he removed a small box from inside his pants' pocket before shoving it onto her lap. Bending down so that his breath gently brushed against her ear, he muttered a few choice words, causing the woman to smile up at him in delight before turning her attention to the gift she had received.  
  
Speechless, the woman stared down at the velvet-wrapped box, numb with shock. Treating the small package with the utmost care, she opened it cautiously, as though it were an explosive about to go off, and was startled to see a sparkling white diamond solitaire winking back up at her.  
  
I – I –  
  
She hesitated, her thoughts scattering like windblown leaves. This was what she wanted, was it not? But something held her back. Maybe it was that she was afraid. Afraid of what the box's contents would eventually come to represent. First, marriage. Then what? Years of endless waiting, endless sorrow? Though she knew that he would give up being a soldier for her, she also knew that he could never truly be happy living the life of a civilian. For one to have a comfortable outlook of life, they had to first be comfortable with themselves. And this man, who had just recently emerged from the shadows of war, was too intimately acquainted with the darker, more violent side of humanity, to lead a life.  
  
And in the end, what sense of normalcy would he have, being married to one such as herself? To be cast into the light after a lifetime's worth of hiding, would he be able to stand it? No, it was better to end things now and remember their happy past together than to commit herself fully to a lifetime of fear and worry. Her mind made up, she spoke.  
  
I can't. I'm sorry, but –  
  
The hand that had been stroking her hair fisted suddenly, making her wince from the unaccustomed tightness around her scalp. When she raised her hand to give the box back to him, however, the solemn young man shook his head in refusal, gradually loosening his hold over her and gently pushing her hand away from him. Bending down, he placed a gentle kiss upon her head, barely felt and yet it resonated throughout her entire body.  
  
The offer will always be open, he said, with a small, sad smile, so take your time.  
  
AS SHE SEES IT  
  
_Take all the time you need._  
  
She watched the happy couple silently, raindrops sluicing off her shivering body unheeded. As the groom gently kissed his bride, the blond-haired woman, a forlorn creature clad in a glittering black evening gown, muttered a soft expletive, furious with her own weakness.  
  
Damn him and his gorgeous wife! Why couldn't he have chosen someone fat and stupid, someone petty and mean? At least then, it wouldn't be so hard to dislike the woman. Instead, he had to go and choose someone perfect for him, someone so unlike her, it was heartbreaking. At least, if the woman had bore _some_ resemblance to her, she would know that he still had at least an ounce of feeling left for her!  
  
But no! Instead, he had chosen Catherine. Sweet, lovely Catherine with her softly curling chestnut locks and sparkling emerald eyes always filled with joy. Catherine truly was a wonderful person, caring and loving, and perfect for him in ways that she wasn't.  
  
Damn him!  
  
Turning away, she closed her eyes and though she had promised herself she wouldn't, let herself remember when _she_ had been the one in his arms, the one he had looked at so lovingly.  
  
And then she had thrown it all away.  
  
Reflecting back, she knew there was no one to blame but herself. He had been so sweet, albeit in his usual, straight-faced way and she...well, she had been an idiot. After the unsuccessful marriage proposal, things changed between them, with her always thinking it was for the best, that it hurt less now that they were apart. She hadn't been aware of how quickly time was passing until it was too late.  
  
And now he was married.  
  
Because of their complicated (and the pain she didn't care to admit to), Relena had begun to avoid those she had normally associated with, finding it difficult to keep a cheerful front with those who would only pity her. She had even found an excuse not to attend the wedding but out of respect for her mother's wishes, had grudgingly attended the sumptuous reception rather than listen to her mother's nagging any longer.  
  
After all, a Darlian must never shirk her duties, she quoted mockingly, wishing, not for the first time, that her mother would be more sensitive towards matters of the heart rather than what her social club would think. After all, what reason was there in her presence? The festivities inside made her feel more like weeping than celebrating.  
  
The exquisitely designed ballroom, just one of five at the prestigious _La Mare_ hotel, was normally reserved for visiting dignitaries and royalty. However, after seeing who had showed up at the reception, it was easy to see why the dour Monsieur Francois had eagerly made an exception.  
  
And from the looks of it, Catherine had certainly taken advantage of the opportunity. The stately ballroom resembled more of a winter wonderland with the twinkling golden lights and white silk-paneled walls than some stuffy meeting place for pompous old fools. Huge crystal vases, nearly overflowing with white rose blossoms, were placed strategically around the spacious room, but where Catherine had managed to find such an enormous quantity amazed even Relena, a renowned hostess in her own right.  
  
Delicate silver-embossed sleighs filled with bright red holly topped each linen-covered table, providing a cheerful contrast against the cool whiteness of the room. But perhaps the most impressive item was the huge, sparkling fountain, spilling over with bubbly pink champagne, that stood amidst a long row of glistening ice sculptures, each more intricately carved than the last.  
  
The ring bearer, an adorable little boy who resembled a miniature Duo Maxwell with his long, midnight blue braid and laughing blue eyes, poked at one of the sculptures curiously, eyeing it with healthy fascination. Fully knowing of the mischief the small child could create, Relena stifled the laugh she could feel bubbling forth. She knew where _that _would soon lead...  
  
Turning away, Relena let out a deep sigh, once again questioning her motives for being there. She could just as easily have sent a gift along with her regards instead of coming. And no matter how welcome her presence might be or how many lectures her mother might have subjected her to, she still could have easily found a plausible reason for not attending.  
  
Even now, there was still a means of escape. But tempted as she was to leave, Relena knew she couldn't. At least, not before she'd gotten some closure. After all, she had devoted almost her entire adolescence to him and then most of her early adulthood, she reflected silently, without any resentment. Without any goodbyes, how could she tell her heart to stop waiting?  
  
And so she stood there outside on the balcony where raindrops sprinkled down upon her, dampening the elegant black evening gown and ruining the sophisticated hairstyle her hairdresser had slaved over for hours. Shivering slightly from the chill night air, she acknowledged that she should probably retrieve her cashmere shawl before she caught a cold but...  
  
The tinkling sound of laughter caught her attention then, drawing her away from her contemplative self-pity and alerting her to the presence of yet another. When she saw who it was, the black-clad woman drew in a sharp breath and cursed yet again for her reaction.  
  
I've frightened you. I'm sorry. His voice was quiet, soothing, but not in the least bit remorseful. Instead, she could detect a smile in his voice, calculated, she suspected, to put her at ease.  
  
_Fat chance_, she thought rebelliously, mentally glaring at him while fortifying the walls she would need to protect herself from him. She wanted, needed him to go away, yet he did nothing but stand there, _just_ inside the door so that the interior lights beamed behind him and blurred his features.  
  
She stood there, not daring to breathe for fear that she might give herself away. Finally, after what seemed a lifetime, he stepped out of the soft light until it fell behind him into light and shadow. It was not until then that the keenest edge of fear ebbed away and she once again felt safe in his presence, feelings not unlike the ones she used to harbor in her past.  
  
But trying the reconcile the youth he was to the man he had become was difficult, to say the least. The boy she remembered had been thin of body and soft of face. This man's build was lean and muscular as evidenced in the muscles of the forearms outlined through the tailored suit he wore. And though he smiled easily enough, there was nothing soft in the sharp bones and high planes of his face.  
  
His hair was darker than it had been, looking almost pitch black, but it still fell over his face in an untidy fashion. The eyes, she thought, unconsciously taking a step forward to study them more closely. She might not have recognized him for they were softer now and did not hold that haunted plea for understanding of a world that had long ago forsaken him. Those eyes watched her now, with a lazy patience that might have embarrassed her if her pulse had been level.  
  
It's been a long time, she croaked out, her throat dry despite the rain-soaked air.  
  
He stood there, watching her. He didn't offer his hand, didn't take a step forward. Years of training and instinct told him she'd only jump and embarrass them both. She looked ready to run, or collapse. Neither would suit him. Instead he tucked his hands casually into the front pockets of his pants.  
  
How are you, Relena?  
  
She laughed but the laughter did not reach her violet eyes. Why should they when all her hopes for happiness had disappeared the moment he uttered the words, I do? But she would be the better woman. She _would not_ allow herself to show him her pain, her weakness.  
  
I'm fine. I'm all right.  
  
White as Catherine's gown was what she was, with those soft purple eyes that had always fascinated him still wide and bright. She shifted anxiously and the faintest hint of strawberry wafted across his nose, tantalizing him with its familiar scent.  
  
So she still wore it, after all this time.  
  
Relena waited for his response all the while struggling to maintain an air of detachment. Nervous, she racked her mind for something clever and witty to say, something that would ease the tension that seemed to thickening around them.  
  
It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it?  
  
She was startled to find that he had taken a step closer to her while she hadn't been looking. Most unfair! How was she to get over her feelings if he continued to toy with her emotions like this? Gazing into the depths of his dark-colored eyes, she stood there, mesmerized, as he cupped her face gently and whispered, Not as beautiful as you, Relena.  
  
She edged away from him in quick, deliberate motions, her heart urging her to flee while it was still possible. Glistening tears threatened to fall but she refused to let them. Just as she refused to run away. She wouldn't succumb to the cursed man, no matter how badly she wanted to.  
  
And yet, how could he say such things? Him, a married man! It was disgraceful, it truly was. But what was worse, she had wanted to hear those things, and _still_ wanted to hear them! Disgusting. Hadn't she learned already that her chance was over? That it had been over the moment she had said no?  
  
She didn't like talking to him this way. In her mind, thoughts tumbled, spilling over each other but doing nothing to save her from her current dilemma. Where were the tactful phrases, the polite compliments that usually came so easily to her? Gone, save for this leaden tongue that offered nothing but hurtful revelations that were better left unsaid.  
  
Did you enjoy yourself tonight?  
  
He smiled humorlessly, his Prussian blue eyes no longer showing anything remotely similar to kindness, or love. Do you enjoy dredging up pieces from the past? You, who always spoke of living for a brighter future? He continued to speak, the words coming out more quickly now, as if he couldn't prevent them even if he had slipped a gun between his lips.  
  
Or have you finally made a decision that for once, did not require the help of your council?  
  
The bitterness in his voice threw her off. A word of apology formed on her lips but she held it back. Why should she have to apologize? She had known, of course, of the growing distance between them after their separation; she had even mourned it. But to accuse her of deliberately remaining apart from him simply because of politics?  
  
Inside, she could see Lucrezia, more affectionately known as Noin, laughing at something her silver-haired escort had said. Though the dark-haired woman had waited for what seemed half her lifetime, Zechs Merquise had finally done something other than disappearing into the night...Relena's brother, her stoic, idealistic brother, had finally relented, eventually deciding that sharing a life with Noin was worth more than simply coexisting with her.  
  
And how she envied the easy intimacy they had, evident in their every gesture and action. Something that she might have shared with the man standing before her if only she had found the courage to ignore her fears and say _yes_ so many years ago.  
  
Shaking her head, Relena sighed. Will it always be like this?  
  
Her handsome companion turned away so that the shadows hid himself from her probing gaze. In a soft voice, he spoke, his voice warm and mellow, much like the glass of expensive brandy her godfather enjoyed drinking once in a while.  
  
For as long as it has to be.  
  
Relena stared at him in confusion. Sure, she was used to ambiguous and roundabout answers. After all, it came with the job. But since when had _he_ resorted to such vagueness? She would much rather hear his customary grunt that listen to something that couldn't be easily interpreted!  
  
Looking at her, he could see the faint glimmer of barely suppressed frustration thinly veiled by her mask of indifference, which only served to amuse him further. However, before he could goad her into responding, bursts of applause and shrill catcalls could be heard from inside, along with the musical sounds of silverware tapping crystal.  
  
At the sound, Relena's normally clear violet eyes frosted over and in a cold voice that sent shivers down his spine, she said, It appears that your new bride is calling you and it certainly wouldn't be fair of me to detain you any longer now, would it?  
  
He only smiled back at her, infuriatingly calm despite the stress that threatened her to tears. The chiming from inside the brilliantly decorated ballroom got louder, rising to a nearly deafening crescendo but Relena heard none of it, her entire being caught up in the gleaming gaze that twinkled down at her with such familiarity, it shook her to the very core.  
  
The tuxedoed man took yet another step closer, his once semi-styled hair falling over his face messily, shielding his expression and hiding the features she had been subconsciously memorizing.  
  
He gazed down into her violet eyes, still shimmering with unshed tears of betrayal and sadness, and bent down until his warm breath softly caressed her parted lips.  
  
And then he kissed her.  
  
It wasn't a mere brushing of the lips or even a short, casual peck between close friends. No, it was the kind you gave only to the one who held your heart, the kind that made you so breathless, it left you weak in the knees.  
  
And Relena could certainly feel her knees weakening, causing her fall more deeply into his embrace and allowing him further access to her more than willing lips. Later on, she would blame it on the delicate stiletto heels she was wearing, but for now, all she could do was hope that time would remain frozen, preserving this moment forever.  
  
NO! NO! NO!  
  
There is probably nothing more irritating than an overworked conscience, she thought foolishly. Oh, it was wrong, she knew it was and she would surely burn in Hell for returning his kiss. But damn it! Couldn't she have just this one moment when Catherine would be having the rest?  
  
Then she heard it. A quiet, demure sound, not boisterous and loud like the rest of the partygoers'.  
  
Catherine's laugh.  
  
It couldn't have been any more effective than if Shinigami had brought down his scythe, killing her for her most heinous crime.  
  
Relena pushed away from him with a force that sent her reeling back. The tears she had restrained for so long, from when she had first heard of him dating, now fell freely down her face, causing the artfully applied mascara to run down her pale cheeks and stain them black.  
  
With one furious swipe, she wiped away the tears from her eyes, not caring that she probably looked more like Medusa, with her black-rimmed eyes and rain-soaked hair, than Aphrodite, as had been her original intent. Pulling herself up straight, she drew upon all the etiquette lessons her mother had forced upon her younger tomboyish self and with a haughty glare befitting any queen, spoke, her words fairly dripping with icicles.  
  
There is no man on this earth who is less deserving than you. Barely married and already infidelity has driven a wedge between you and Catherine!  
  
She looked at him in revulsion, sickened with her own role in this whole fiasco. And still, the man had the nerve to _smile_!  
  
You – you bastard! Still smiling like always, like you had when we parted ways five years ago! How can you betray your own wife like that? Damn it! _Why are you still smiling_?! she screamed in a loud, shrill voice that momentarily halted the partying inside. Turning around, she fled, too soon to hear his last words.  
  
It seems, Relena, that your decision _has_ been made.  
  
Relena ran blindly through the crowds of blissfully ignorant people, all celebrating the happy couple and their recent nuptials. If only they knew!  
  
She snorted in cynical disbelief, a most unladylike sound that would have made her high-thinking mother daintily turn up her nose in politely concealed distaste. How could she have been so stupid, so naive? Her only thought now was of escape and with a skill worthy of any Gundam pilot, she maneuvered her way through the white linen-covered tables and rose-adorned archways, searching desperately for her chair so that she might gather up her things and leave this den of intrigue and deceit.  
  
And as though the dear Lord had finally decided to take pity on her screwed-up life, Relena spotted the familiar shapes of her belongings without anyone bothering her.  
  
Relief overcame her then, nearly staggering in its magnitude. Reaching down with one pale, slim hand, she picked up the shimmering cashmere shawl and delicately embroidered evening bag in one smooth motion. Just as she was about to leave, however, Relena felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Whirling around, she stared, in fascinated horror, at the one person she had not wanted to see.  
  
Oh God, it was Catherine.  
  
If there was _any_ justice in the world, she would die right now. Closing her eyes, she mumbled a soft prayer for mercy.  
  
Any moment now...  
  
Um, Relena?  
  
Damn it! Where was Wufei and his wretched katana-wielding self when she needed him?  
  
Mustering up as much courage as she could gather, which really wasn't much at this point, Relena opened her eyes and pasted a cheerful smile on her face. At Catherine's concerned look though, she felt her smile dim. Was she that obvious?  
  
Catherine! Congratulations! she gasped, frantically searching for the proper words to say. You make such a beautiful bride, all dressed in white... Um, it's just too bad your _husband_ couldn't dress in white too!...  
  
Oh good going, Relena. Might as well have stamped a scarlet on your chest, she thought sarcastically. God, why wouldn't Wufei come? Couldn't he _sense_ injustice being done?  
  
Catherine's soft laughter pierced through her thoughts. Oh Relena, you're too funny. Dressed in white? Hee hee.  
  
she replied, chuckling weakly, Real funny.  
  
Have you met my husband yet? I know that you were acquaintances during the war but I'm not sure you were ever formally introduced.  
  
If only she knew.  
  
Relena opened her mouth, ready to confess her sin then and there, when Catherine's giggle and an answering, distinctly _male_ chuckle interrupted her.  
  
Dear Lord, _he_ was here too.  
  
Trembling with guilt, Relena clenched her clammy, ice-cold fingers into tight fists, barely resisting the urge to uppercut the cheating jerk. Breathing shallowly, she looked up at the very familiar face with his unruly brown hair and affectionate green eyes.  
  
Relena, I'd like you to meet –  
  
She couldn't stop looking, couldn't take her eyes away even when the buzzing in her head became a roar. Numb with shock, she was unable to tear her eyes away, even as her vision blurred and grayed and the gleaming wood-paneled floor seemed to float up to meet her rapidly sinking body.  
  
It was just too much to bear.  
  
Darkness was quickly claiming her and still the groom's smiling visage remained imprinted on her mind, his face burned into the backs of her eyelids. It was then that she remembered her mother's advice.  
  
_Go to the reception with open eyes, Relena. I'm sure the groom will be happy to see you._  
  
Green eyes?  
  
Catherine watched as the delicate blonde crumpled to the floor in a glittering black heap. Turning to her husband in bewilderment, she whispered softly, My goodness Trowa, whatever did you do to her?  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
Shh, I think she's waking up.  
  
A group of select few stood outside the lavishly decorated room, eagerly awaiting the results of five years worth of careful cultivation and manipulation. Among those huddled by the door were the bride and groom, an inquisitive groomsman sporting a curiously long braid, and an equally fascinated petite, blue-haired bridesmaid.  
  
Also standing nearby was a tall, silver-haired man who watched the mahogany door with a thinly veiled look of murder in his icy blue eyes. Beside him stood a dark-haired woman who alternated between watching the door and watching her companion, a look of worry clouding her expressive indigo-colored eyes.  
  
Pacing along the lush, cream-colored carpet was a blond-haired, blue-eyes man outfitted in a form-fitting black tuxedo, identifying him as one of the best men. The last bridesmaid, a striking blonde, settled herself into one of the plush armchairs that lined the hallway, observing the others with amusement.  
  
The man who had first spoken, an elegant person of Chinese heritage, quickly turned away when the door opened, revealing a smiling woman with soft honey-colored hair and laughing brown eyes. Just as she closed the door and before anyone could barrage her with their questions, a loud thud could be heard, accompanied by the irate shouts of an obviously angry woman.  
  
MY _MOTHER_ KNEW ABOUT YOU?!  
  
Heero Yuy, who had faced many terrifying images before in the past, knew that he would never, in this lifetime or the next, forget the look that Relena had on her face right now. Perhaps the scariest thing he had ever seen, the once detached, even-mannered Gundam pilot prayed that after today, (if he didn't screw up, that is) he would never have to see it again.  
  
Raising his hands up in a motion of surrender, he eyed the furious blonde with wary eyes, unsure of the words he had practiced so many times before. It had sounded right when rehearsed in front of a mirror where only his reflection could hear and react, but to actually speak in front of _her_, especially when the words would either make or break him, was more nerve-racking than being controlled by the Zero System.  
  
  
  
But the pacing blonde did not hear. Too consumed with the abject rage that was flooding her veins and heating her blood, Relena was still preoccupied by the fact that not only had Heero led her on, her friends and family, the people she thought she could trust, had also helped in this...this farce!  
  
Whirling around, she aimed another murderous glare in Heero's direction and began to shout, SO DID YOU JUST _FORGET_ TO MENTION THAT YOU WEREN'T MARRIED TO CATHERINE OR DID YOU ENJOY SEEING ME MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF?!  
  
  
  
She laughed bitterly. Of course. You must have been _thrilled_ knowing that I still felt something for you, must have _reveled_ in it. After all, I turned you down five years ago...why shouldn't you have your revenge?  
  
She wasn't listening, that much was clear. But the real question was, once she did, would she forgive him? Damn it! He _knew_ it had been a bad idea...but everyone had made it sound so simple, so foolproof that he had let himself believe that it was. And after so many years of waiting and planning, would it all be for naught?  
  
One thing he was sure of was that he didn't like this uneasy feeling of not knowing, of not being aware of what was going to happen next. With his prior experience as a soldier of war, even during times of blind isolation, he had been confident of his ability to pull off any mission assigned to him. But this one...the one that might redefine his future existence, he was not sure of and wasn't positive that he ever would be.  
  
Women.  
  
  
  
She knew what he was trying to tell her, but pride prevented her from accepting or even acknowledging it. She didn't want to listen, didn't want to open herself up again, especially after making such a fool of herself. Who knew what the public thought of her? Probably as an unstable, emotional wreck...at least, that's what she thought of herself.  
  
And her mother...  
  
Her own _mother_ had known about this deceitful plan, had actively participated in it! Of course, she had known that her mother was impatient with Relena's love life, or lack thereof, but to go through such extremes? Such a thought was inconceivable! What had happened to the dignified silver-haired woman who felt that composure and refinement were words to abide by?!  
  
  
  
I don't want to hear it, Heero. I realize why you might have been stupid enough to execute such an idiotic scheme, but what you just did really hurt. Not only did you strip me of my feelings, you stripped me of my _dignity_. I –  
  
Relena stopped and stared out the window at the twinkling night line that shone below. Resting her forehead against the cool glass, she idly traced a single character onto the frosted windowpane and wondered at the feelings she had for this man whom she both hated and loved.  
  
In the nearby distance, the steady ticking of a grandfather clock could be heard, as well as the random shuffling of curious and impatient feet. Relena smiled.  
  
Bracing herself, she pushed away from the window and walked over the guilt-stricken man. Raising her hands to cup his face, she murmured softly, Don't you see Heero? All you had to do was _ask_...  
  
  
Author's Note (Part II): Okay, so I'm a sucker for plotless, fluffy romance stories. But hopefully it wasn't too bad? I know that the story concept is not the most original and that my writing seems to have become awfully long-winded but it was late at night when I was writing this and sadly enough, I was caffeine deprived. *Autarkeia sniffs sadly in despondence* Anyways, I hope you liked the story and that maybe, just maybe it introduced a small measure of the weirdness that makes up our society. If not, blame it on melodramatic soap operas and a twisted outlook of life, not to mention no more coffee in Autarkeia's kitchen!


End file.
